I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
