shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
