i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
