just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
