respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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