PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
