Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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