Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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