I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
