i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
