from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
