At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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