Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
