Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
