What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
