When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
