Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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