I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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