ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
