I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
