she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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