who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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