He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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