It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
