I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
