you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
