so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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