Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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