And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
