he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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