I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
