Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
