What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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