Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
