you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
