So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I did not marry a roomba.
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