Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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