please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
