Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
