Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
