Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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