anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
