based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
