You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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