WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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