I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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