you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
