I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
