i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
