She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
